Tag Archives: Gingrich

Lookout, Buchanan.

There’s no question but that Donald Trump is the worst president in my lifetime, and I’m fairly certain he’s a serious contender for the worst president in American history. In most of the surveys I’ve seen, that position is held by pre-Civil War POTUS James Buchanan (1857 – 1861), but I think Buchanan’s one distinction is under serious threat … he may be surging to second worst by the end of Trump’s current term.

Of course, Trump doesn’t see it that way. His ranging, incoherent cabinet meeting this past Monday gave him the opportunity to crow about the greatest economy in American history, his single-handed defeat of ISIS, his deal-making acumen, and so on. Sure, he got Turkey mixed up with Iraq at one point, but who’s counting? He claims to be fulfilling a promise to bring American troops home, and one wishes that were true, but of course this claim – like everything else that comes out of his festering gob – is a cheap, transparent lie that wouldn’t fool a five-year-old. Like previous failed presidents, he sold the Kurds down the river, and they are paying a heavy price for his carelessness and self-dealing. (Trump freely admitted prior to the 2016 election that he had a conflict of interest with regard to Turkey, referencing his signature twin towers in Ankara; he still makes a lot of his money there.)

Look out, Jim. He's gaining on you.

You would think it would be easy to compare Trump unfavorably to other recent presidents, but the picture does get kind of complicated kind of fast. There was a discussion of this on Morning Joe this week, wherein Joe, Mika, and historian Jon Meacham talked about leaders putting the nation ahead of their own narrow political interests. Sounds good, but the example Joe gave was that of Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich in 1998, at the height of the impeachment conflict, working together to find a way “to contain Saddam Hussein.” I think what he’s referring to is the Iraq Liberation Act, passed in October 1998 and signed by Clinton, which provided the foundation for the 2003 war. This act came through at the peak of our sanction regime against Iraq that cost the lives of 300,000 Iraqi children, conservatively – a cost Clinton Secretary of State Madeleine Albright described as worth it. In other words, bad example.

Self-dealing and corruption are bad things, to be sure. They are not the only bad things, however, and we do ourselves no favor by forgetting the failed policies of past leaders in an attempt to single out the current president. It is obvious where he comes from, and we must beat him  next year. But we must also accomplish so much more than that one goal. Status quo ante is not enough.

luv u,

jp

Born again (again).

Yes, I know. The president’s bin Laden victory lap was a bit much by Spock standards. (George W. Bush being more in the Kirk category.) But by the standards of American election year politics, it was pretty subtle. So the resulting outrage from the right was all the more laughable. Seriously – these are the people who had Dubya fly a jet fighter onto an aircraft carrier (which they had turned around to keep San Diego out of the shot), parade around in a flight suit, and then do his famously premature victory speech under an enormous “Mission Accomplished” banner. These are the people who incessantly reminded us of their greatness throughout the Bush terms, and who continue to this very day.

Luckily for them, we are Americans and, as such, are born anew each and every morning. We have no collective memory, like a nation in advanced dementia. We do not value knowledge of our own history; in fact, the very term ‘history’ carries a negative connotation. Our politicians take advantage of this, of course – who wouldn’t? – and accordingly serve up the same hash over and over again. Cutting taxes makes everything better. Check! Budget cuts lead to growth and prosperity. Check! Antagonizing and even attacking other countries will make us safer. Check! On we go.

Obviously, the Republicans do not have a corner on this franchise. The Obama administration is carrying forward a lot of their policies for them, including ludicrous destabilizing boondoggles like missile defense batteries in Eastern Europe. But just now the GOP happen to be indulging somewhat gratuitously in the not entirely unrealistic notion that we do not remember yesterday any better than the day before. Right now the conservative candidates for the GOP nomination are lining up behind Romney, as it was always certain that they would, and singing his praises. After a bruising primary fight during which Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum, and others unsparingly and unflinchingly heaped scorn upon the Mittster, to see them now stumping on his behalf inspires a kind of cognitive dissonance that should spark our collective memory a bit. But we shall see. 

It is another new day, after all. 

luv u,

jp  

Trifecta.

Can’t hear you. Can you turn it up? I don’t know… to eleven, or maybe thirteen. Still nothing. Play harder, faster…. oh, wait. Didn’t plug your cord into the console. Sorry. Sorrrreeeee…

Oh, hi. Hey … don’t let anybody tell you (in case anybody ever tries) that producing yourself is easy. It’s not, man, and I’ll tell you why. You are the engineer. And the guitar tech. And the arranger. You get the drinks. And the snacks. It’s bloody maddening – I even have to oil Marvin (my personal robot assistant) when he starts to squeak over there on the percussion riser. Anyway… we’re elbow deep in production on our next album. Yes, it’s a themed piece … almost a rock opera, except with a lot less coherence. It grapples with monumental themes … if you understand monumental to mean, simply, mental.

It’s been busy ’round these parts, I don’t mind saying. Busier than we’re used to, quite frankly. Recording, of course. Then there’s our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN. The frenetic pace of once a month is enough to exhaust anyone not used to exertion. Oh, and also … we released a new video of one of the many songs recorded by “cousin” Rick Perry – a little number named “Devil Romney” that was featured on the podcast a couple of episodes ago. That was exhausting. Matt did all the work, of course… but it was plain exhausting just watching him. And then that upload to YouTube really took it out of me.

We are, of course, still making plans for our upcoming trip to the moon as an advance team for the Gingrich campaign. I know what you’re going to say – he dropped out …. of the presidential race. Yes, we know that. But he’s still going to be the nominee. He said so himself, you know. I can only imagine this means he is going to be installed as King of the Moon any day now. I have, in fact, written a celebratory march to commemorate his coronation – a somewhat stilted jubilee for our bloated monarch. If I can find where I left my energy and motivation, I may just have it ready for the next podcast episode.

Until then, please help yourself to the slabs of content we’ve been flinging out in every direction like frisbees. I’ll be in the cellar, making widgets.

 

Anudder home.

Where did I put my html tags? I thought I packed them with my socks, but they don’t appear to be in there. WFT, man…. getting a new home is always such a pain.

No, friends. We have not abandoned the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. That would be something you might expect from the department of redundancy department (of redundancy). We have, however, abandoned our old web site and moved into a new one, designed by, I don’t know, professional web designers… as opposed to my sorry ass, who threw together our last site with Front Page and some tweezers … not to mention some cracked old photo manipulation software. Yeah, that’s right. Do I have to draw you a picture? (Actually… that would have been better than what came out of that software.)

Anywho… out with the old, in with the new. We’ve been using WordPress for Hammermill Days (and, earlier, Notes from Sri Lanka) for over five years, and so we thought, hey, why not build the whole freaking site using the same software? It actually works, you can edit it from anywhere using a Web browser…. How easy is that? Too easy! That’s what Mitch Macaphee says. Being a mad scientist, he thinks things should be hard … at least as hard as building Marvin (my personal robot assistant) was. Sure, he built Marvin out of spare parts and bric-a-brac he had lying about his lab, but that doesn’t mean it was easy. Building a sentient being never is, my friends.

Now, the cynical and suspicious-minded amongst you (and you all know who you are) will imagine that this web site face lift is all about our supreme ambition to become special assistants to inevitable president-elect and future king of the moon Newt Gingrich; that we somehow abandoned and discarded our illin’, aging old web site for a shiny, sexy younger one, like … well, like … something some politician did once. That is a dirty lie. Fact is, we have already been invited by Newt Gingrich – future president and current Lincoln in his own mind – to advise him on interplanetary relations including, most specifically, his plans for our nearest neighbor in space. In point of fact, we will be a bit like the late Richard Holbrook, who was given the Af-Pak portfolio. (We will be in charge of the Moon, Mars, and Saturn, so it might be called the LunaMaSa portfolio, in media culture shorthand-speak.)

So anyway… welcome to Big Green’s new home on the Web. Take a look around. Kick the tires. Leave comments. Move in to one of the pages and order expensive dinners. Glad to have yuh.  

 

Luna, oh, Luna.

How much does the moon weigh? I don’t have an answer to that, for chrissake. What am I, a freaking scientist or something? Go ask Mitch Macaphee. What? He told you to ask me? Mother of pearl…

Oh, hi. Was wondering when you would drop by. Not the best time, as I’m sure you’ve surmised. We’re working on our proposal to the Gingrich campaign to be their official liaison to the Moon people and their special counsel on all matters Moonly. This is an ambitious move for Big Green – certainly as bold as our attempt to glom onto the W. Bush campaign and presidency way back in 2000 (the distant future… the year 2000…). That started with something as humble as sharing an interstellar tour bus with the man himself, but resulted in our brief but fruitful installation into the corridors of power. (We still have some of the fruit from that little sojourn, though it’s a tad ripe now.)

Right, so anyway … back then it was clear that Bush would be the nominee. This time, it’s clear that Gingrich will be the NOMinee. I mean, he said so himself, right? And is he ever wrong? I’ll ask Marvin (my personal robot assistant) … if he ever gets his head out of his ass. But I digress. Come the inevitable Gingrich presidency, our nation’s relations with the Moon will occupy center stage. He will need the best advice available, and who better to tap for that particular responsibility than the Hammermill team, right? We’ve performed on the Moon. Moon people are our people.

That said, I was a little surprised to receive this request for proposal (RFP) from the Gingrich group. Do we really need to substantiate our wild claims with fact? What kind of a world is this becoming? In any case, we are being asked to demonstrate our knowledge of Earth’s nearest neighbor in space on the most rudimentary level imaginable. How much does the moon weigh, for pity’s sake. As any expert know, that depends on what phase the moon is in. Right now, it’s close to full, so its weight today is going to be a hell of a lot greater than when it’s in first quarter phase, right? Any Earthbound knucklehead knows that. But can anyone write you a slamming anthem? One that will appropriately accompany your pressure-suited legions when you conquer the moon?

Okay… clearly I’ve said too much. It wouldn’t do for Newt’s plan of lunar domination to gain to great a currency prior to his inevitable election, so … keep it under your hat for now. There’s a good chap.

Lunar new year.

Hey, what the…? Did I sign off on that? Are you sure? Well, I guess you would know better than I. Wouldn’t you? RRRrrrrr….

Face it, we’ve got bad quality control here at the Cheney Hammer Mill. Was a time that not a single hammer went out of here with unsightly flashing or a splinter out of place in their ironwood handles. Not so with Big Green, it pains me to say. We are not perfect – ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF. It’s just because we’ve got irons in so many fires. Too many spoons in the stew. Eleven toes on each foot. I don’t know – you pick the metaphor. I’ve got work to do.

Nah, see… Marvin (my personal robot assistant) posted our March episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, our podcast, before I had had a chance to listen to it. We could be saying ANYTHING, for chrissake. If we had reputations or integrity, we could lose either (or both). There are some advantages to general slovenliness and moral degeneration, but I’ve only just thought of one of them, so…. there can’t be too many. Anyway, it’s out there, warts and all – another wide ranging discussion between Matt and I, discussing everything from the death of Davy Jones and Andrew Breitbart, to Star Trek mythology, to things too obscure to describe in print. Freakish, that’s all I can say. Plus three more songs from Rick Perry – a 70s-pop lament tentatively called “Rick: The Searchable Name”; a doggerel called “Really Rick Perry”, and a primitive rock number entitled, simply, “Santorum”.

Okay, well … that’s done. Now, to our new commission – that of spearheading the efforts of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich in his efforts to conquer and rule the moon. He got our names from George W. Bush, no doubt. We have been in the dubya rolodex ever since he went on tour with us back in 2000, which led to our taking on an advisory position in the early (pre-9/11) Bush White House. (We were in charge of his Space Commission, based on our long history in…. well…. space.) Hey… nothing succeeds like success. Except perhaps failure, in our case. Anywho, the first thing Newt has asked us to do – aside from grease the diplomatic wheels with any people found on the moon – is to write a national anthem for our nearest neighbor in space. One that duly celebrates his initiative, his genius, and (he also says) his modesty.

So, well…. Matt and I have to get to work on this. Perhaps John can work up some pedal steel parts. We’ve got stuff to do, Marvin – don’t bother me with trifles! (Unless they’re the tasty dessert kind.)

Wingnut rodeo.

Florida has voted, though not in such high numbers as primary season 2008. One wonders if people are getting tired of the new normal of multi-million dollar negative ad buys. Romney has his victory, much sought after, though the contest is obviously not over yet. Perhaps people are getting the sense that none of these creatures has a strong grasp of what is wrong with our economy and how to set it straight. Perhaps they are looking at the republicans and at Obama and thinking, who amongst this lot is going to do what needs to be done to pull the vast majority of Americans out of this ditch?

Mind you, I’m not a total agnostic on this. There is a difference between the parties. I wish it were a bigger difference, but there’s no point in denying that it’s there. Obama hasn’t done anywhere near what he would need to do to restart this economy and get it going in a more sustainable direction. I don’t know that he’s particularly inclined towards making any bold steps forward on that front – he’s Captain Cautious in that respect. I have a lot of problems with his policies pretty much across the board, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Romney, Gingrich, and Santorum represent a boatload more trouble for all of us than another four years of Obama would.

The simple fact is this: presidential elections always boil down to a choice between two people. It’s a zero-sum proposition. One of those two people is going to be president. Presidential elections, in my view, represent the smallest part of what an engaged citizen should do to move the country forward, but we ignore them at our own peril. If progressives, the unemployed, the poor, the overworked…. the 99% sit out this election, we essentially consign ourselves to a permanent Bush administration. Whatever the outcome of the current wingnut rodeo, I can assure you that the next republican presidency will be Bush III: The Vengeance, featuring denizens of an increasingly radicalized republican establishment and all your favorite neocons. It will be 2001 all over again.

Just remember: these are the people who drove us into the ditch. Whatever else we do – organize, occupy, push for change, or just complain loudly – we have to keep them out of the driver’s seat.

luv u,

jp

Heading south.

The republican presidential candidates are in Florida now, throwing punches at one another, making threats, and shifting course on immigration issues so fast it might give GOP voters whiplash. Former Speaker of the House and Pillsbury Doughboy Newt Gingrich appears determined to hold on to his tenuous lead, traveling from one end of the state to the other to toss around wild promises. In Miami, it’s regime change for Cuba (hard to see how that could go wrong); on the “Space” coast, it’s permanent bases on the moon by the end of a second Gingrich term. (What he probably means is that, by the end of his second term, the surface of the earth will resemble that of the moon, so the base issue will take care of itself.) It takes an ego the size of Gingrich’s – grandiose I believe is the proper term – to present arguments for re-election when one’s first primary campaign has barely gotten off the ground.

Gingrich’s grandiosity is wasted on these polite debates, though, and he knows it. That’s why he’s complaining so bitterly. When he gets a good shot in – “puts Juan Williams in his place”, as some in South Carolina have described it – and the crowd starts to cheer, you can see him begin to inflate like the Michelin Man. It is a wondrous sight to behold. This business of tamping down the audience’s enthusiasm is just, well… deflating for a veteran bomb-thrower like Gingrich. Perhaps this will give the GOP’s favored candidate, Romney, the boost he needs to edge out his corpulent rival. Damned liberal media! Newt told us it was all their fault!! Ah, the favored narrative… always a winner.

I love this red meat about Castro. For chrissake, guys! This stuff reminds me of Howard Phillips and his big, menacing map of Red China and scary cartoons about the People’s Army taking over the Panama Canal. It’s astounding to me that the Castro-bashing still resonates in present-day Miami, but I suppose surveys don’t lie. In any case, you’ve got Romney and Gingrich both imagining a day when Castro is in the grave, speculating on which imaginary afterlife landscape he will inhabit – the cloudy, white, feathery (if vaguely defined) paradise, or the strangely earth-like hell for which we have many concrete descriptions (including a useful floorplan from Dante). They might think for five minutes about the hellscape they would be consigning Cubans to in the event of regime change; something resembling Guatemala, I imagine. Not a favorable comparison, frankly.

And now Gingrich wants to conquer the moon – regime change goes trans-lunar. Should be a good race.

luv u,

jp

Best man.

The South Carolina food fight – a longstanding electoral tradition – is in full fury, the GOP candidates fighting like dogs, only this time with even bigger dogs – the Super PACs – duking it out in the same ring. This is typically when the worst tendencies come to the fore in the Republican party, and this year should be even uglier than the last two presidential cycles.

In any case, let’s look at some of what’s being said, shall we?

Gingrich in the last debate: “To take an ex-wife and make it two days before the primary a significant question in a presidential campaign is as close to despicable as anything I can imagine.”

Hah! You’ve got to love this guy, don’t you? He finds it “appalling” that the media would stoop so low as to open a debate with questions of infidelity. Yes, this is the same Newt Gingrich that was Speaker during much of the Clinton administration – the same Newt who made that president’s extramarital dalliances a national issue, to the point of the first impeachment trial in the Senate since Reconstruction. Newt Gingrich, who led the nation to a constitutional crisis over a presidential blow job, is now appalled that his pseudo-romantic foibles are considered a matter of national concern. Welcome to the world you helped invent, big guy.

Romney in the last debate: “I’m someone who believes in free enterprise. I think Adam Smith was right. And I’m going to stand and defend capitalism across this country, throughout this campaign.”

Who can doubt that Romney stands for free enterprise? It’s the system that made him a multi-millionaire, with so much cash he needs to ship a fair amount of it to the Cayman Islands for safe (i.e. tax-free) keeping. The thing is, like so many modern-day “capitalists”, he has a very narrow understanding of Adam Smith – the man who had little sympathy for the “joint stock companies” of his day and who decried the “vile maxim of the rulers of mankind – all for me and nothing for anybody else.” Smith was a product of the Enlightenment, which of course puts him in a separate category altogether from these robber barons and bigots, who make me think of another more recent philosopher, John Dewey, who described politics as “the shadow cast upon society by big business.” True that.

Rick Perry: “I quit”

Domage. I, for one, will miss Cousin Rick, if only for all those songs he did for us.

luv u,

jp

Roger, out.

Again, just some thoughts. I’m overloaded, as usual. Details at eleven.

Cain’s out. No more Herman Cain. That’s disappointing in a way, though I can’t say as I’m all that disappointed whenever a manifestly incompetent right-wing shill is deemed unfit for service as president. He would have been the conduit through which Randy Scheunemann, Phil Graham, and other luminaries would have run the country into yet another deep ditch. Of course, that would be true of practically anyone on the Republican deck right now, save Gingrich, who would likely insist on doing everything (badly) himself. I will, however, miss the Pokeman quotes, the seeming lack of conviction that a president actually needs to show any interest in politics or administrative policy, foreign or domestic. He’s like the cut-out who can’t hide the fact that he’s a cut-out: there’s obviously no other reason for him to even want to be president than to carry out the wishes of corporate America more consistently than even their bought and paid-for politicians of both parties.

Ging-riches. Speaking of corporate shills, our former speaker seems to keep rocketing higher in the polls. Unstoppable. They’ve even started phoning my brother in New York, never a Republican he, asking him to volunteer. (A hilarious recording of this conversation will be included in Big Green’s Christmas podcast, coming up soon.) Obviously they’ve got some cash on hand. Perhaps old Newt is pumping some of his ample riches into the effort, earned cashing in on his government connections and experience. All those riches haven’t softened the old bugger one iota. That thing about nine-year-olds becoming school janitors, cleaning out the can – that is vintage Gingrich. I have to appreciate the way, even in describing such a Swiftian enterprise, he manages to get a dig in about “unionized Janitors.” It reminded me of the classy way his former lieutenant, Tom Delay, described his failure to serve in the military during Vietnam (a war I’m certain he supported) as a case of having been kept out of the army because an illegal immigrant took his place. In any case, I’m expecting unbounded riches from Newt over the coming months.

Drone nation. The Iranians have captured one of our drones, evidently involved in yet another undeclared war by remote control. Aside from morals and ethics and basic human decency, this is the policy downside of all this drone use: it’s just too damn easy. Obama is using them more and more, in more countries – it’s the ultimate mission creep, and it’s going to blow up in our faces, frankly.

Yeah, I know – the G.O.P. will do it too if they take control. That shouldn’t stop us from calling Obama and telling him to knock it off.

luv u,

jp