Ned Trek 19: Careact

Stupid frigging prop!

Plot Summary

The crew of the Free Enterprise are engaged in a life and death struggle with a deadly socialist menace-machine bent on providing life-giving health coverage to every living dude. Worse than a machine, it was a space probe, and it turns out, Captain Romney was its surrogate mother! A titanic battle ensued, and our intrepid crew survived, but only after painful extraction of six highly derivative pop songs sung by the captain and his senior officers.

Lame Script Based On Classic Star Trek Episode:

“The Changeling”

Features 6 Big Green Songs:

(1) Die-de-die (Spiro’s song); sung by the Nixon android
(2) Sick Poor Jerk in a Herd; sung by Ned
(3) Well, Well, Well; sung by Perle
(4) Romneycare; sung by Captain Romney
(5) Some Health Care; by Mr. Welsh
(6) Medicare; by Doc Coburn

Cast

Free Enterprise Crew:
Willard Mittilius Romney, Captain
Mr. Ned, the talking dressage horse
Doc Tom Coburn, chief medical officer
Lt. Commander Richard Perle, chief neocon
Mr. Sulu, helmsman
The Nixon Android, automaton version of the ex-president

Ned Trek 18: Captain Fricassee

Hey, big guy! Don't I know you?

Plot Summary

During a visit to the ruined planet CrackerFry Nine, the Free Enterprise Crew attempts to retrieve drilling equipment and bibles left by the free-market evangelists who destroyed this hideous little globe (and themselves in the process). Willard gets some fracking fluid on his suit, causing a transporter malfunction that divides him into two opposite personalities: a moderate northern republican and the southern reactionary cracker that resides within every ambitious politician. Two Willards! Conflict ensues!

Lame Script Based On Classic Star Trek Episode:

“The Enemy Within”

Cast

Free Enterprise Crew:
Willard Mittilius Romney, Captain
Cracker Romney, also Captain
Mr. Ned, the talking dressage horse
Doc Tom Coburn, chief medical officer
Lt. Commander Richard Perle, chief neocon
Mr. Sulu, helmsman
The Nixon Android, automaton version of the ex-president