Tag Archives: Return of the Archons

Ned Trek 15: Santorum’s Christmas Planet

Forget the stupid tree, Willard!

Plot Summary

The Free Enterprise crew is dispatched to planet Noel Ball 9, a world that has been “Christmaformed”, a process which expunges the entire world of secularism and leaves it with a two-day annual calendar: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  Willard, Ned, Perle, and Doc beam down to find an appropriately hyper-consumerist society ruled over by The Santorum, who appears in ethereal form with his fetal mascot, Santiny Tim.  Conflict ensues, with cries of joyous holiday ecstasy and the occasionally shooting of laser guns.

Features 6 Big Green Songs:

(1) Make that Christmas Shine
(2) Horrible People
(3) Dick’smas Xmas
(4) Doc’s Christmas
(5) Lonely Little Neocon
(6) Christmas Green

Lame Script Based On Classic Star Trek Episode:

Return of the Archons

Cast

Free Enterprise Crew:

Willard Mittilius Romney, Captain
Mr. Ned, the talking dressage horse
Doc Tom Coburn, chief medical officer
Lt. Commander Richard Perle, chief neocon
Mr. Sulu, helmsman
Mr. Welsh, chief engineer
The Nixon Android, automaton version of the ex-president
Stephanie H., umpteenth clone of redshirt Mr. Stephanie

On Planet Noel Ball 9:

Rick Santorum, Governor
Peter Lorie, Santorum’s assistant
Manikin, a Noel Ballian
Lawgivers

Also Appearing:

Commodore Mitch McConnell
Carl Sagan, introduction