Tag Archives: I Hate Your Face

Usual Rubbish

Getting a little love on the internets

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2000 Years to Christmas

I think you ought to run those numbers again, man. Seriously. I thought you were a statistician. You’re not? I thought every robot was a statistician! Learn something new every day, even in statistics.

Hey howdy, folks! Happy new year from your favorite band in the universe. And while we’re at it, happy new year from us, Big Green, the band you’ve likely never heard of. Chances are good you’ve never seen us perform or listened to our songs or picked up one of our CDs. Nothing wrong with that, of course – you’re just moving with the majority. (Go against the herd, man!)

Running with the numbers

I’ve called upon the small coterie of experts in our midst, namely, Mitch Macaphee and his greatest invention (or not), Marvin (my personal robot assistant), to help increase our internet plays a bit. My assumption is that they know all about the internets. One way or the other, they can hardly do worse than we have ourselves.

Take our recent nano concerts (please). The highest number of plays we’ve gotten was 25 on one of the songs; most are in the teens or single digits. Piss poor by any standard. Now, the pretentious artist in me says that we make music for its own sake, not for the approval of the audience. But that artist in me still likes to eat. And frankly he’s not paying rent on the space he’s occupying. I think anyone can see that that’s not fair.

Hit factory, shit factory

Leave us face it, Big Green is not a titan among indie bands. The Big Green video with the highest number of plays is our live version of I Hate Your Face, which comes in at a whopping 688 views. Not exactly setting any land speed records there, my friends. Our single from 2012, One Small Step, has been viewed 219 times on YouTube as of this writing. Again … not earth shaking.

Hey, look .... there's a blip over there in December.

In particular, our song Pagan Christmas, off of our first album, 2000 Years To Christmas, gets a bunch of plays around the holidays via streaming services, etc. By “a bunch,” I mean hundreds. Of course, via the music streaming services we get maybe 700 song plays a year. Somebody in Romania listened to our asses. How they found them with both hands I couldn’t tell you.

Happen upon us sometime

Hey, you know what they say about marketing on the internet. You don’t? Well, don’t ask me. I’m not some kind of marketing expert or something. What I do know is that, in this capitalist paradise known as digital sales, putting something on the web without paid promotion is like tossing something into the street and hoping someone happens upon it.

You know, that sounds like a good job for Marvin. HEY MARVIN – TAKE THIS BOX OF DISCS AND START TOSSING THEM AROUND RANDOMLY. THERE’S A GOOD FELLOW.

Usual Rubbish

Inside July (2019).

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Look, I know it was a hard assignment, but frankly … you’re more cut out for that sort of thing. Why don’t you sit and relax for a while. Oh, right … best stand.

The squatters upstairs got a bit louder this week. Of course, it was the fourth of July holiday, so they started shooting off bottle rockets, M-80s, and what sounded like quarter-sticks of dynamite. We sent Marvin (my personal robot assistant) up to read them the riot act, and he got his ass handed to him. I mean literally – they removed his ass and handed it to him, then kicked him down the stairs. Not sure who to send next … maybe anti-Lincoln?

Well, with all that going on, I did squeeze in enough time to post another installment of THIS IS BIG GREEN, though it’s kind of a clip show, frankly. Some of the material will seem familiar to longtime listeners, some not. What can I tell you? It’s a little hard to mix new Ned Trek episodes with gun-happy muleskinners living upstairs, keeping us up all night with their noisy parties and other goings on. Partly as revenge on those mothers, I chose to include some vintage live recordings of Big Green’s club days, cranking them up as I listened back the episode, shaking the rafters a bit. (Some of them, I understand, like rafting in the Adirondacks … and are, therefore … rafters.)

Maybe if we just play super loud ...

So, here’s what we have this month:

Ned Trek 18: Captain Frickasee. This is an episode we originally cast back in 2014, based on the malevolent doppelganger episode of classic Star Trek … uh, just to narrow that down, the one where Kirk gets duplicated by a transporter malfunction (they used that plot device more than once). Willard’s evil twin, instead of being the very pinnacle of toxic masculinity, turns out to be a southern conservative politician … the one most Republicans pretend to be. (Apologies to those easily offended by jokes about southerners.)

Live Songs: This month’s TIBG features six “live” tracks of Big Green, circa 1990-1994. These include performances recorded in front of audiences and demos recorded live to tape in a somewhat more controlled environment. All tracks feature John White on drums, Matt on bass and vocals, and me (Joe) on keys and vocals. The songs are:

  • How ‘Bout The War? – This track, poorly recorded at some dive in upstate NY, features Tony “Ace”  Butera on guitar.
  • Greater Good – This was recorded at a backyard music fest at Jeremy Shaw’s house and features Jeremy on guitar.
  • Sensory Man and I Hate Your Face – Two excerpts from a video demo we recorded with Jeremy Shaw in 1993, clips of which can be seen on our video page.
  • Merry Christmas, Jane and Special Kind of Blood – Selections from a 1994 live-to-DAT demo we did at Jeremy’s house, featuring him on guitar. (We released these on our Live From Neptune EP. )

Anyway, that’s the week that was. We’ll be posting another show before too long with a new Ned Trek episode … as soon as we find our asses with both hands.

Podcast, Songs

THIS IS BIG GREEN: July 2019

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Big Green drops a bomb on independence day with a clumsily patched-together show that features an archive Ned Trek selection, some old live tracks, and a drunken narrative to serve as your guide. Cue fireworks.

This is Big Green – July 2019. Features: 1) Ned Trek 18: Captain Frickasee (encore presentation); 2) Put the phone down: Where the hell did that Matt guy go; 3) A brief history of Big Green guitarists; 4} Song: How ‘Bout The War (live), by Big Green with Tony “Ace” Butera; 5) Song: Greater Good (live), by Big Green with Jeremy Shaw; 6) Song: Sensory Man (live demo), by Big Green with Jeremy Shaw; 7) Song: I Hate Your Face (live demo), by Big Green with Jeremy Shaw; 8) Song: Merry Christmas, Jane (live demo), by Big Green with Jeremy Shaw; 9) Song: Special Kind of Blood (live demo), by Big Green with Jeremy Shaw; 10) The Middlebury College gig, circa 1993; 11) Time to go.

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Usual Rubbish

Inside August.

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Did you upload the episode on time? Marvin? Can you hear me? Oh, Jesus. Not again. Right … Hey, anti-Lincoln! Plug Marvin in for a couple of hours. Make yourself useful!

Hi, good people. I’m pretty sure Marvin (my personal robot assistant) uploaded the August episode of our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN – our fifth anniversary broadcast! – over the last couple of days, but until he has a decent charge on him I can’t be sure. If you listened to it, you know a lot of what I planned to tell you today. But because I am a pedantic motherfucker, I fully intend to tell you about it anyway. Here’s what we got under the hood.

Ned Trek 29: Error of Mercy – This latest episode of our Star Trek political parody audio melodrama is based on the classic Star Trek episode titled “Errand of Mercy”. (For you non-aficionados, here’s the IMDB listing.) The crew of the Free Enterprise arrives at the planet Origami just ahead of the Confederation’s arch rivals, the Cleenton Empire. The episode features a bad, bad imitation of Bill Clinton, a perhaps worse imitation of James Carville, and a lot of cheap shots. Perle ends up wearing another barrel, so it’s probably worth a listen.

Marvin, did you ... ? Forget it.Put The Phone Down – We start with some strained renditions of a song by The Troggs, as sung by Peter Lorre, the Daleks from Dr. Who, and others, then rip right into a discussion of current affairs. That more or less follows the theme of my political rant this week – the assholes vs. the fuckers, in essence, though we also spend some time on “Bernie or Bust” and the Green Party. (Don’t get me started!)

Live Songs – These are audio tracks from the excerpts of our live video demo we posted over the past few weeks on our YouTube Channel. These include Sensory Man, I Hate Your Face, and Why Not Call It George? Fairly raucous, more or less in line with cuts from our Live From Neptune EP. The recordings were made pretty proximate to one another, probably within a year or so (1993-4). This was at the end of the period when we performed with guitarist and friend of Big Green, Jeremy Shaw.

Anyway, a lot of good-ish listening here, so enjoy. Or at least try to enjoy. I just want to spread a little sunshine as I move through the world, that’s all. Just call me “little joey sunshine”. (Sure beats “fucker”.)

Usual Rubbish

About your face.

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I don’t know. Do you really think it’s that insulting? Not sure why anyone would take it personally, frankly. Unless, of course … they have a particularly hate-able face. A hate-friendly face, if you will. Oh, well.

Yeah, here we are, in the midst of one of our summertime projects. Always something to do here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, even if that something is virtually nothing. You could say this entire blog – all 17 years of it – amount to virtual nothingness, am I right? In any case … we’re just hashing out what the rest of the season is going to look like. We’ve got some archival material yet to go through; the kind of stuff that accumulates over three decades of playing and writing and recording together. A mountain of … something. Give it a listen, then you pick the descriptor.

This week’s “Wayback Wednesday” release was another selection off of our 1993 video demo – just us playing our set list live in front of a madman’s camera. We posted Matt’s song “I Hate Your Face“, the first verses of which goes like this:

God, I hate your convulsive face
Four, sixteen, a million, your annoying face
has got me sick and I’ve got to go

God, I made a big mistake
Eight sixty-four, a million, a huge mistake
when I parked it here
Did I stay too long? You know I stayed here far too long
Back in the day

Teenage angst? No sir. He wasn’t a teenager when he wrote it, for one thing. I won’t speak for Matt, but it always felt to me like a parody-punk song, complete with faux-teenage angst. By the way … this isn’t about YOUR face. Just putting that out there. It’s another face entirely, folks.

What’s left? Well, from the video, there’s a bunch of cover songs, a couple of which we may be able to get away with posting. (Expect pop-up ads.) We also have a lot of audio content – a bunch of live songs, some even listenable. We also have a handful of studio numbers that we can put out.

I know, I know … stop talking, start posting. Right, right.

Usual Rubbish

Sensory man.

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Did you feel that? No? Okay, check. How about that? Really. Right, then. Check again. Now let’s try the pointed stick. You don’t want to do it? Well, aren’t you the sensitive one.

Yes, we’re back. I’m just interrogating Marvin (my personal robot assistant) to get some idea of the degree to which his primitive analog circuitry has the capability to emulate human emotions and mock the various senses we take for granted. So far, it’s not going very well. His brass exterior seems impervious to brillo pads, water, even fire. Not sure about pointed sticks – that may be his Achilles’ heal. (I guess I could wait until he’s feigning sleep, then try it on his heel.)

Why am I wasting my time in such a manner? Well, while I’m waiting for Matt to get here and start recording the next episode of our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, I am consuming myself with summer projects, some of which I’ve blogged about over the past few weeks. Annoying Marvin is one, though it’s hardly just a summer project. Still, this is kind of a pointed annoyance, and not just because it involves pointed sticks. You see, as part of one of my OTHER summer projects, I just posted on our YouTube Channel another live performance video from Big Green’s 1993 demo. This song, “Sensory Man”, is another Matt number – his exploration of the robot experience via Lost In Space. We’re talking Robot B-9 here, people. You know, that does not compute. Danger, Will Robinson. Etc.

Aren't you the seismic man?As I think I mentioned before, we don’t have a lot of video footage of us playing live, and even less of us playing our own songs. This demo included a lot of covers – all stuff we liked playing. So it’s kind of a freeze-dried sample of our set list from the 80s and 90s. We’ve got three takes of “Sensory Man”, as well as a rehearsal sequence on that song, a couple of takes of “I Hate Your Face”, and one of “Why Not Call It George?” – that’s it for our songs. That is, unless someone out there has video of us playing at Middlebury College or SUNYIT, when we opened for Bloodline. Anybody? Thought not.

Leave us face it – Big Green’s earthly performance faze was relatively brief. Most of our archival material is from a time before Big Green …. a time when, dare I say it, beasts of every size and description roamed the Earth. The scarier ones were club owners. But then you knew that. (If you own a club, you’re probably a cave man. Am I right?)

Usual Rubbish

Over the river (of nitrogen)

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A little colder than I expected for this time of year. Minus 254 degrees Kelvin. Crikey – better put on another pair of socks.

Yes, friends – Big Green is spending another traditional family holiday a long, long way from home. It’s Thanksgiving on Neptune, and I have to say, this holiday doesn’t mean much to folks up here. The casinos are filled with punters, and I don’t think they’re shipping them in from Saturn. It’s just another day to these creatures. And as we enter the final (turkey) leg of our [INSERT NAME HERE] Interstellar Tour 2011, we have another succession of bizarre events to greet us. Here is the week that was:

11.14.2011 – Took up residence in the Neptune Hyatt resort. A bit seedy if you ask me. I think they stole the name, actually – everything’s bootlegged up here. Even our albums. Hell, we’re giving them away on Neptune and they still bootleg them. I think it’s for the sheer joy of doing it. There is, I imagine, a certain satisfaction in sticking it to the man. My only question is… when did we become “the man”?

11.15.2011 – Hit the stage at 0400 hours Neptune time. Gravity was a little uneven this afternoon. Little known fact about the Neptunians – they’ve discovered the secret to gravitational force. Their scientists have been messing with it for years now, and I have to say that the results appear mixed at best. As far as anyone can tell, they’ve only managed to make gravity more like the weather. So our feet left the stage as we ran through “Just Five Seconds” and “I Hate Your Face”, but it wasn’t from exhilaration. Damned scientists!

11.17.2011 – With the holiday season approaching, it seems like a good time to get some shopping done out here in the outer solar system, where most of the big outlet stores are located these days. (Ever wonder what happened to STARS? You guessed it.) So we took the day off, rummaging through bins, riding escalators, hiring forklifts to check out what that big box on the top shelf might contain, etc.  Marvin (my personal robot assistant) set his sensors to savings.  Just like the old days, Steve. (Steve? I must be running low on oxygen.)

Took a little time out to post Episode 4 of our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, featuring rambling conversation with Matt Perry, another song from cousin Rick, an explanation of Grandfather’s War, a “first draft” new recording of I Hate Your Face with accompanying commentary, and other unexplainable phenomena.  Let us know what you think. We’ll be finishing our shopping.